booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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