If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
