he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
