The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
