Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
