Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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