I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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