the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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