Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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