I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
