I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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