It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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