Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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