Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
