Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
