I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
