I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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