i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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