No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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