I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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