Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
