They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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