He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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