I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
