His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
