so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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