I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
