Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this just has baby written all over it
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
