HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
