Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
