I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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