Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
