Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
