I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize