At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
