did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
