I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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