I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
