Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
