Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
