so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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