She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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