ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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