she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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