did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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