Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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