Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
