i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just pee around me
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
