o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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