He disabled his match.com account in front of me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
where are you?
Hypothermia
ttyl tear gas
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
