I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
