note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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