Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
